The Face of God
In the spring of 2002, my brother and I were sitting in a hospital room in Ocala, Florida. There, my father, John, was finishing his last round of chemotherapy in an attempt to treat his recurring acute myeloid leukemia. It was late in the evening, and although John was tired, he couldn't sleep because, in the morning, the doctor was scheduled to arrive and give us the news as to whether the chemotherapy had been successful or not..... If it failed, we already knew that is was over for John, and that he would enter into home hospice care the following day...
John was weak, but he could still get to the bathroom on his own if he needed. In the middle of the night, I heard John stir. He told me that he needed to use the bathroom. So I proceeded to help him over to the bathroom door, which was located on the side of a small hallway into the room. While he was in the
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bathroom, I waited in my chair. Then, I heard the door creak open, and I saw John shuffling to the hallway..... I got up to offer him help, but he didn't need it. He was standing in the doorway facing the hall. Then, he turned to me and stared into my eyes. But it was as if I wasn't there. He was staring right through me. Then, he spoke "take me back, I need to tell you something". I took John back to his bed, got him tucked in, and then I woke up my brother.....
"I don't need to see the doctor tomorrow - I know where I am going! You see, as I opened the bathroom door, I heard a voice call me..... I stepped to the door, and there, appearing on the hallway curtain, I saw the Face of God! And he told me that he loves me...."
"I'm not afraid of dying anymore....."
So, in the middle of the night, with my dad fighting for his life, I was faced with trying to understand his words. Was he dreaming? Maybe, but I think not, since I was there.
The following day, the Doctor came in early and gave us the sad news. My dad remarkably didn't seem fazed. The nurses wheeled him out to the car, and they were crying, and dad was crying and gave them all a hug, and we all were crying..... But, in the days and weeks ahead, John was strong. He wrote his own funeral itinerary, he invited each of his friends over to the house, one by one, to say good bye to them and comfort them. He was positive and upbeat for each and every one of us, and he was strong right to the end. You see, John had seen the Face of God. I KNOW he did. I was there. I could see it in his eyes then, and I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his words each and every day of his remaining life!
The song "Face of God" is a tribute to that moment, a moment that, to this day gives me chills.......
But mostly, thinking of that moment makes me miss my dad......